“If you’ve spent any time trolling the blogosphere, you’ve probably noticed a peculiar literary trend: the pervasive habit of writers inexplicably placing exclamation points at the end of otherwise unremarkable sentences. Sort of like this! This is done to suggest an ironic detachment from the writing of an expository sentence! It’s supposed to signify that the writer is self-aware! And this is idiotic. It’s the saddest kind of failure. F. Scott Fitzgerald believed inserting exclamation points was the literary equivalent of an author laughing at his own jokes, but that’s not the case in the modern age; now, the exclamation point signifies creative confusion. All it illustrates is that even the writer can’t tell if what they’re creating is supposed to be meaningful, frivolous, or cruel. It’s an attempt to insert humor where none exists, on the off chance that a potential reader will only be pleased if they suspect they’re being entertained. Of course, the reader isn’t really sure, either. They just want to know when they’re supposed to pretend to be amused. All those extraneous exclamation points are like little splatters of canned laughter: They represent the “form of funny,” which is more easily understood (and more easily constructed) than authentic funniness.”—
“Mainly, as always, it’s the presumption of criminality that’s galling. If I were an actual pirate, and I thought I could make money distributing illegal copies of Hee Haw, I’m pretty sure I could work around any blocks. But if I’m just a guy who’d like to watch the show at noon, I’m treated like I’m trying to get away with something.”—“Home taping is killing music” redux: three case studies The A.V. Club
“50 Cent did not disappoint. He ordered a grapefruit soda. The waiter brings him the grapefruit soda. And then 50 Cent said the greatest thing anyone could ever say when you see a grapefruit soda…He looks at the waiter and says, “Why isn’t this purple?” And it took me a few seconds, and then I realized, “Oh my god, 50 Cent has no idea what a grapefruit is!”… I was like, “Everybody in the restaurant, you need to SHUT UP right now cuz a waiter’s about to explain to a grown man what a grapefruit is.”—Aziz Ansari on Letterman last night, explaining his spotting of 50 Cent at a restaurant in NYC (via culturalcloseup) (via andria)
“It’s just such a tangled-up issue, the way women present themselves — whether or not they choose to put their thumbs in their panties on the cover of Maxim and judge each other back and forth on it. It’s a complicated issue and we didn’t go much further on saying anything other than to say, ‘Yeah, it’s a complicated issue and we’re all kind of figuring it out as we go.’
In the episode [of 30 Rock called “TGS Hates Women”], we have a fake website called joanofsnark.com that the women at Jezebel.com immediately recognized that it was their website basically and it was. … I don’t have the answer. But I find it interesting that Olivia [Munn, a correspondent on The Daily Show] gets people who go after her on some of these sites because she’s beautiful and that’s part of it. I think if she were kind of an aggressive, heavier girl with a Le Tigre mustache posing in her underpants, people would be like ‘That’s amazing. Good for you.’ But because she’s very beautiful, people are like, ‘You’re using that.’ It’s a mess. We can’t figure it out.”
“Passing bubble tests celebrates and rewards a peculiar form of analytical intelligence. This kind of intelligence is prized by money managers and corporations. They don’t want employees to ask uncomfortable questions or examine existing structures and assumptions. They want them to serve the system. These tests produce men and women who are just literate and numerate enough to perform basic functions and service jobs. The tests elevate those with the financial means to prepare for them. They reward those who obey the rules, memorize the formulas and pay deference to authority. Rebels, artists, independent thinkers, eccentrics and iconoclasts—those who march to the beat of their own drum—are weeded out.”—
“You look like you’ve been for breakfast at the Heartbreak Hotel And sat in the back booth by the pamphlets and the literature On how to lose Your waitress was miserable and so was your food If you’re gonna try and walk on water make sure you wear your comfortable shoes”
Kick aside your feelings about Turner’s full-time gig with the Arctic Monkeys for a second and hear me out: A-Turn is one of the sharpest young songwriters working today. We’re talking Costello-level turns of phrase. This track is off the six-song Submarine soundtrack and it’s worth shoving into your ears.
Jeebus this is on point. Early candidate for sleeper album of the year.